evannichols (evannichols) wrote,
evannichols
evannichols

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Where's Tom Lehr when you need him?

Don't tell anyone, but I wasted an hour on the "Nick & Jessica Variety Hour" Sunday evening. I'll admit it, I was curious. I've seen a few episodes of "Newlyweds," which if you haven't seen, you should check it out. Newly married Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson allowed camera crews to follow them around (I guess to show that famous, wealthy, and fabulously attractive people are just ordinary folks, which we all know is NOT true. (If it was, we'd ALL be rich, beautiful celebrities, and we aren't, so that proves it, QED!)) Anyway, Nick seems coherent, and a decent guy to hang out with, even if he is abnormally pretty, but Jessica is the raison d'opera. Seeing her dealing with everyday life is like watching Fluffy the Miniature Poodle herding sheep. You really WANT her to be able to do it, but the helpless flailing is SO fascinating! And there's that smug sense of satisfaction in that while I may not be exceedingly affluent, gorgeous and popular, I can keep up on the laundry.

So I thought there might be something attention-worthy in the variety hour, but only a few minutes into it, I was already asking "WTO were they THINKING?" Is this supposed to be an ongoing series? I'll be stunned if it survives beyond three episodes. The variety show was a five-legged table of singing, dancing, comedy sketches, cameo appearances, and costume changes. We know Nick and Jessica can sing and dance (I mean, that's how they got rich and famous!), although during one number Jessica seemed to be channelling Joe Cocker in a particularly twitchy way, which probably would have made children all across America cry, if any had been watching. The cameos were only moderately interesting; have YOU been wondering whatever happened to Mr. T? Me neither. So that leaves comedy, and in my professional opinion, I only saw ONE funny sketch that evening (a fake ad for the "Nick La Shave" razor, where he comes to your house and shaves you). The best explanation would be that the rest of the material came from a grade-school "Write a Funny Sketch for Jessica & Nick" contest. So in our wobbly table of elements, the fifth leg was costumes. They were flashy, but not really that interesting, and as long as I'm admitting things, I really just was hoping for a "wardrobe malfunction," if you know what I mean. At least then the hour wouldn't have been so much of a waste.
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