The Conservative plan to destroy the environment actually makes a lot of sense. I figure that any alien race capable of creating and funding an interstellar expeditionary force doesn't need to use humans for slaves. They could just build robots for everyone. Same for "humans for food." So they'd be here to steal our land and resources. Therefore, if we trash the planet, it won't be appealing to alien invaders! It's brilliant!
Guitarist Slash was in the Superbowl halftime show; for all of 90 seconds. I wonder how much one gets paid for that? He could probably play the first minute and a half of “Sweet Child of Mine” in his sleep. Maybe he did (That's the advantage of a hairstyle that completely covers one's face).
I think the Superbowl Planning Committee believes that if they make their halftime shows BIGGER! and SHINIER!, then they'll eventually make one that doesn't suck. Actually: No. Here's my idea: At center field, a platform with 100 kittens, and a bunch of cat toys. Lots of cameras, so the action can be projected on the stadium's giant screens. Much better than any rock band, and who's going to complain about kittens?
You're welcome, Superbowl Planning Committee.