evannichols (evannichols) wrote,

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You Know You Want It: The Annual First Lines of 2010 Post

Gather the Children and Old People around the computer screen to all Gaze in Awe and Exclaim in Wonder, as my predictions for the Top Five News Stories in 2010 That You Won't Read About are indeed, 100% ACCURATE! Well, by "accurate" I mean that none of them were reported by any reputable news source or Fox News. You might ask, "But did they happen? What is True?" To which I would say, "Let's not get hung up on "Facts," but instead, brace ourselves for the Annual First Lines of 2010 Post!"

Here They Are, In Chronological Order:

January: 2009: A Review
Looking back at 2009, I realize that I really don't want to look back at 2009.

February: Feb 1 – Potpourri
It's with great excitement that I've introduced my latest Internet meme, the changing of one's profile picture to the Golden Bucket of Oatmeal, which I'm certain will blossom forth to become a major Internet-culture touchstone, unless, of course, I am yet again severely deluding myself.

March: Identification Section.
I am a speaker of the nearly-lost language of COBOL, and although the Younger Generation may scoff, my brethren and I routinely perform the Arcane Rituals to coax the Ancient Machines into executing their enduring Legacy Systems, so that Orders may process, Checks may be issued, Reports may be distributed and Life may flourish.

April: Smurf. Here's This, Instead...
My life is being temporarily consumed by preparations for Stumptown Comics Fest, which I will indeed write about, as well as some thoughts on the recent movies I've been watching via Netflix (and I can go on about how I'm really enjoying Netflix), but I haven't written all that up yet, and I have this post that I wrote a couple weeks back, so let's go with it for now.

May: I am in favor of Moose Day.
Today: On May 5, 1862, the Mexican army won the battle near the city of Puebla against the occupying French.

June: Yo Birthday!
Happy Birthday, leboyfriend!

July: Hz and Me
Hz just turned two, and has grown from being The Cutest Baby In The World to being The Cutest Toddler In The World, and I could go on and on about that, but I'll just tell you one story now.

August: A Week In The Life of Evan Nichols, Volume 1
People frequently email me and ask "ARE YOU SATISFIED WITH THE SIZE OF YOUR MEMBER?"

September: Kidney Stone Update: Day 5
Woke up at 2:00, hurting.

October: The Three Doctors (Sorry, Not A Dr. Who Reference)
Three doctor appointments this week.

November: So, It's November Then
You may be wondering, "Evan, was it Friday's sushi dinner, Vegan dessert, or the hysterically funny late-night showing of 'Turkish Star Wars' that made you feel off all weekend?"

December: Catching Up
Was working on the Newsletter last night, when I just lost my energy.

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