April 14th, 2007

hat, tophat, Evan, 2019

The Time For Action is NOW!

(Okay, I meant to post this yesterday for Friday the 13th, but it still applies just as well today.)

URGENT: On April 13, 2029, a Near-Earth Object called Asteroid 2004 MN4 will pass within 20,000 miles of our planet. To put that in context, that’s INSIDE the orbit of geosynchronous satellites. We’re told not to worry, as MN4 supposedly won’t hit the Earth. So no plans are being prepared to protect us from deep impact. But nobody’s mentioning that if some time in the next 22 years, MN4 bumps another object, shifting its trajectory just slightly, collision could be inevitable. Most importantly, Scientists have determined that in two decades, Bruce Willis will be too old to fly an up-armored space shuttle out to destroy an Earth-threatening asteroid.

The solution is obvious: An all-out scientific push, similar to the Space Race of the 60’s. If we can perfect human cloning within the next two years, Bruce Willis Prime will be around twenty years old when MN4 closes in on our planet. With any luck, the entire shuttle crew could be made up of Bruce Willis clones, ensuring a successful mission.

But we need your help. Write your Congresspersons about the importance of cloning Bruce Willis now, before it’s too late!

Clone Bruce Willis. Save the World.
  • Current Mood
    optimistic heroic