January: I never thought I'd write about this, but this Confessions Meme is going around, the Statute of Limitations means I can no longer be prosecuted, and most of the people who were involved in these events have passed on.
February: It turns out that I only imagined that the talking carrots weren't real.
March: Day 3: Although my head is still stuck in this bucket, I have now punched a hole so I can eat spaghetti, one noodle at a time.
April: I never would have believed that a lurid weekend junket with twin Swedish pharmacologists could totally reverse my feelings on the Hatch Act of 1887, but sometimes Life just hands you a big surprise like that.
May: Finally, since so many of you have been requesting it, I'm posting nude pictures of me on the Internet (behind a cut, since, although they are quite tasteful, they're NSFW).
June: Last night, I dreamt I was having an incredible sense of déjà vu while blogging about a dream I had, just like right now...
July: Why are people so hung up on who has worn pants to work and who hasn't?
August: My lifelong goal of organizing a nation-wide game of “Button, Button, Who's Got The Button?” is one step closer to being realized!
September: Apparently it's quite normal to feel a bit guilty when one has personally caused a 327-point drop in the Stock Market.
October: After a solid month of meditation and prayer, the True Understanding of Life was laid out before me in stunning clarity, and you'll be amazed at how simple it really is.
November: Omigod, I never knew llamas could do that!
December: It's been seven days since my doppelganger locked me into this basement, and my hopes of ever recovering my life dwindle with each passing hour.