Two Thoughts About This Morning:
Pro: Traffic moves along quite briskly at 6:00 a.m.
Con: Even though I didn’t wake up much earlier than usual, getting to work at 6:30 feels early.
I think it’s because I started the day in a rush. Normally, I allow time in the morning to ramp up. The first twenty minutes of my day (at least twenty) involve coffee and the Internet, and often IMs with friends. This morning, I uploaded the comic, posted in LJ and the Ask Dr. Eldritch Forum, and headed for the shower. When I left the house, I was still finishing off the last of my breakfast waffles. So it was hardly a leisurely morning.
All this was for a 6:30 a.m. conference call at Big Happy Fun Time.
It’s not like the fifteen-minute earlier alarm should make that much difference, but I was sleepy ALL DAY. Not just a Slightly Subdued version of my Usual Boisterous Self, but Way-Drowsy-Why-Isn’t-This-Coffee-Working?
I hate that when it happens. Not only am I thoroughly unproductive, but it makes me feel like I’m ALWAYS tired. Which I know isn’t true; I’ve had some good streaks of feeling well and happy lately. But when I’m starting at a document and realizing that I’ve read it three times and I don’t remember what it says, I think about Living Life Fully. And how I’m failing at it.
“Living Life Fully” was said a lot at the Living Enrichment Center, the New Thought Church I attended for a while, and they certainly aren’t the only ones to use it. It’s generally a phrase that really annoys me. There seems to be the implication that if you’re Spiritual Enough, you’ll Live Life Fully. I envision blissful people doing exciting, empowering things, all the time. Living FULLY.
And hey, who doesn’t want that? I know I did. But it’s hard to be swept up in the Joy of Life while fighting allergies and sleep deprivation. If I constantly felt well and energized, I think it would be pretty easy to live “fully.” When much of my energy is consumed by feeling sleepy or congested or ill or in pain, I feel as if it’s somehow my fault that I’m not experiencing Life at its Peak.
So not only am I disappointed, I feel it’s my fault.
Although another plus of arriving ridiculously early at work is having the pick of parking spaces. That made me happy. Which is a lot like Living Life Fully.